Hurdle

Try to empathize with me for a moment. Witness with me the scale of pain I underwent before facing you.

Because of the stroke, I was bedridden for 2 years. It seems that the only thing I could do then was sleep. During that time, I was medically sedated. I eat thru an NGT – a hose that is as small as a soda straw, and runs from my nose all the way to my throat. Everything I eat had to blended well. I never felt hungry or full as stopping that ordeal of eating food through the nose was always a priority.

Bone spasticity made it worst. I can’t even raise or move limb. There’s always someone helping me who would turn my body in bed to avoid bed sores. But this resulted to absurdity as I eventually got sores. To make me sit without any guides whatsoever for 10 minutes is hell for me.

2 yrs. ago with my sister and my therapists

Getting up from stroke, on the psychological aspect is the most bitter of it all. The opening of my mind and acceptance of reality should and must be made abruptly. I was able to overcome it with the love and care from God, from the people close to me and to my heart, and to you who’s now reading this blog.

Yesu

I’ve been to quite a few battles in life. I couldn’t say that most of them are triumphant. Where in the world I gain such arrogance to shout out loud that I won it all considering my present state? I’m likened to a child who lost his candy. I lost almost everything. At this age, I lost my father, my wife, my children, my health, my job, my hopes and dreams. It also came to a point where I also nearly lost my sanity. How I wish never to open my eyes again as I sleep at night. My pillow, blanket and the anguish are my only comrades each time I feel like crying.

It was through this obnoxious event that I suddenly noticed the Chinese characters tattooed in my left arm that means ‘’Jesus’’. I then realized that I need not be afraid though everything was lost. I've got Jesus beside me, looking over my shoulder. I still got Jesus.

Yesu

Labels - Part 7

Inasmuch as I wanted to transcend or avoid details in describing life as it happens, lessons learned keeps me grounded dealing with the thing left to argue about, reality.

It’s what our hearts and minds submit to every single day. What makes or breaks us is highly related in its existence. It further tells us to change or enhance the way we live, for ourselves and especially for others.

In a relationship, reality makes us do great things – joy, nirvana, love, sacrifice, share, give and other excellent and worthy deeds. On one hand, it lets us experience lessons such as hurt, resentment, remorse, neglecting, and to some, death. A lesser truth than the latter is a broken heart.

Where is my thought and inspiration?

And where are all the good intentions?

I can’t express myself no longer

Strangled by lies and disbelief

But I need time to see more clearly

To recognize the things gone missing

In times like these I have no answer

Nothing to say at all

-          Fra Lippo Lippi

Reality and relationship should and must complement each other. Having a healthy one is accepting and understanding whatever reality presents us.

I again, was reminded of my friend who, because of unavoidable circumstances, explored reality and its labels. But the nature of her heart and the grounding that brought her back.

AWE

This is just a bit of that grandeur emotion I subconsciously encounter being with, knowing or simply staring. It's awe in itself. The boundaries are defied once the heart speaks. Focus unblemished, drive solitary and the world, a dead zone. I cannot help thy self to pay respect and high regards to beauty.