Stop & Go

I would like to state a small discourse regarding matters of the heart. The expression of one’s feelings, to be precise. If we are to look and emphasize more of our subject, let’s say that the given setting is now. It underlies various mitigating factors. The question emerges: in the expression of affection towards one, do I go on with what I feel or should I consider what society morally tells me to do?

For a stroked guy with limited wisdom like me, I’d rather go with what I feel. Even if it’s entirely wrong. It is/was society that marked it as wrong, anyway. It is the same crossing entity which captures us and injects us with morality.

by AVB

Our freedom to express love becomes one-sided. The distinction of what is right or wrong in the expression of love acts like a blindfold. It holds and bars our thirsting desire to express our feelings. Take off that cloud of morality and express that true love.

Realization

It’s been over a week now since I started bursting some good ‘ol articles of mine which are of equal relevance in our lives, a way or another. It reminded me of how aware I was before. It also brought memories of my temporary stupidity.

I regretted things I should take notice and cognizance before. It brought me back to a standstill position where I cannot return. A barrage of ‘ifs’, should and could have entered my battered mind. Wrong decisions, mistakes and evil things I’ve done came and revisited me. It haunted me.

Then I was thrown to today. Suddenly, those nightmares of mine became the foundations to where I am right now.  Those made me stronger. My determination broadened and my will to stay alive is now hardened. I know that this just the beginning of a new life God has given me. 

I’ll just stay awake, aware and sane to all the hurdles that I may encounter.

Dilemma

The following is my ordeal before the stroke: 

My recent encounter with personalities whom usually are tasked to take care of those who are sick or for some reason or the other, of patients who are about to get sick the moment they get a hold of what they are going to pay when their diagnosed sickness has been removed or medicated, have been lingering in my mind for almost about a year now.  I had to embrace a number of learned and wasted experience being with those people even if I had already known that what they give and administer are purely objectified and the reasons for having such profession is purely out of necessity and not of calling or whispers of the heart.  Nevertheless, what they did almost a year ago was considerably a realization for me since I have not, at least been through all those process I had undergone for the past number of years.   It was neither a relief nor a nightmare because I am not really used in visiting or consulting a doctor or a specialist in order to at least lessen my ordeal.  Much to my surprise, the almost gruesome stupid numbness that my feet was having was all because of my haphazardly and occasional sessions with too much fat and the next best thing to sex, alcohol.  According to my medical adversaries, too much of everything was the culprit of what I intend to live up with for the rest of my life.  And my stupidity was largely caused by my parents who also blame our members of the clan for having caused such disease.  More reluctantly, it was what I eat that made me suffer what was diagnosed. They told me that I was suffering and I was a suspect of Diabetes Miletus and has a high blood pressure.  Makes me feel like I have been charged with a crime…

I tried to muster my ordeal as nonchalantly as any criminal who’s been in and out of the bars.  All I did was to savor every single do’s and don’ts that my doctor wants me to do if I wanted to prolong my existence.  That time, it was undoubtedly the best, if not the only way to slip through it.  I was asked to go on a strict diet and monitor my blood pressure hourly.  He also advised me to take the prescribed medicine until God knows when will I get and fell better.  Honestly, my conscience does not want any and vomits everything that they told me and wanted me to do.  It was all against my system but it was, for the last minute, a necessity that I obey such order or I will end up a rotting cadaver helplessly begging for another round of booze knowing that what I helplessly gulp does not make me throw up anymore.  I was caught between my choice of living the life to the fullest only knowing my being endangered after some time and the realization that there was still hope of a meaningful existence which co-exist of trying to fight an ancient disease through endless orders of somebody who was just paid to do his job and not care at all on his patients…I unfortunately succumb to the latter as I painstakingly adhere to what they told me was the best choice and the only and proper way to live one’s life.

Hindrances upon hindrances faced my struggling health as I was put to everyday battery of tests, of will and endurance of how far I could endure the hardships that coupled my taking of medicine, exercise and that God-I-do-not-want diet. It was doing those that I got to learn more to depend on myself.  My existence in the future and what I may become in the next day depends upon my will to survive.  Nonetheless, it was all up to me. 

déjà vu

Have you ever experienced déjà vu? It is that feeling of an instance happening all over again. It’s like being in the same situation before. I know that explanations are quite paranormal but should we be wary of this condition? Is our being spontaneous starting to dwindle?

To overcome these moments, we must double-check it in our minds every detail. Comparison is always an option. Circumstances may look the same but differs in details if closely analyzed. Always be aware of what’s happening. A thing or two unnoticed can create a big impact.

Know what you do. It is great when you know exactly the circumstances surrounding your action. Study the possibilities and repercussions. Take all angles in consideration. Take the necessary steps in trying to revise and change the intended outcome.

With everyday events happening and for us trying to add a little dimension, life would not be so boring at all anyway.

   

Thinking

Bursts I did when I was endlessly chasing my overdue sleep last night. I was made to play with reality satirically. Endless questions popped and momentarily stayed in my mind. Unfortunately, most of it was left blank. Maybe because my ample brain is or wasn’t ready to start dancing with them. I’m simply in average condition or just simply lacking the thinking process needed.

Even with loopholes, I managed satisfaction to all my weird queries. I was quite lightened and relieved. It doesn’t sound so interesting but the effort was worth it. Experience was a great help. Wisdom came in secondary. It was a good sanity exercise. At least I know my brain still functions and reasons well.

Happy life

In making our lives simple and worth living seems to be quite complicated nowadays. As I listen to the mighty raindrops falling on the roof, I was able draw some points on this subject. Randomly, here are some tips on how to make your life simple and worth living- the wheelchaired bursts version.

1. Don’t overcomplicate things. Remember, just like presenting foods, less is more. Too complex would only mean trapping yourself in a maze. It will be harder for you get out on a tight situation if you plan is too complex.

2. Learn how to see things in positive manner. Seeing things on lighter perspective, no matter how heavy it is adds a more chance handling well in the disposition of certain issues in life.

3. Be two steps ahead. Able to foresee what would happen and knowing early the consequences gets you way advantageous to those who cuddle difficulties.

4. Always have a plan. Accept the reality that there are failures and bumps along the way. It’s best to be ready for it.

5. Appreciate it. God gave us the life we have right now. Kindly return the favor by appreciating everything that is happening around us.

   

Rain

The continuing rain haunts ourselves once again. The idea of flood keeps our hearts beating faster. As a wet day unfolds, I’m helplessly reminded of those unsheltered, unfed and unfortunate individuals all left in the rain. Rains may have brought them sickness, confusion and hidden tears.

 Then I gazed at my present predicament. These people and I face almost the same current dilemma in life. At a time I was glad to be fortunate enough not to go through their misery right now. I may have severely suffered from stroke and its consequences but it’s nothing compared to those who are suffering because of the rain right now. I’m much luckier in a way.

There is one wish that we both share the same with. Deep inside I know that it will emerge. That the rain will soon stop and give way to sunshine. Let’s all pray for that to happen in His time. 

Chairman's FOCUS

Pondering on an earlier conversation with ‘the chairman’, more self realization dawned on me. She told me to focus. How to focus on what is there and stop hanging around to those that aren't there or will be at all. To fixate your well being to reality and learning to fully appreciate everything whatever size it comes. How to focus on the available and harness those with your skills will get you up and going. In addition, learn to focus only on the present. The past is unchangeable so it is futile to reflect on it unless you are making sure you do not repeat past mistakes. The future is but a result of your actions today. So learn from the past to do better in the present so that you can succeed in the future. No ‘grave-digging’, please. Learning how to focus absconds by think positive thoughts. When you find yourself thinking a negative thought, stop it immediately by any means necessary. Slap yourself in the face, yell something positive at the top of your lungs or jump up and down. Do whatever it takes to get back to a positive mindset as such is essential for continual happiness and success.

Choice

Deep

Dark

Fiery

Uncomfortable

Engaging

Conscious

Reminding

Freefall

Able

Reminded

Shove

Wisely

Trip

Once

Count

Pretty

Stand

Triumph

Blast

Positive

Invite

Sourcing

Attract

Possibility

Alternative

Changing one’s mode of preference in life in every aspect and holding your stand with it makes the true value of freedom a must for each one of us. Weather we go on to a shallow path or live cruising a path that looks easy, it’s our freedom to chose still emerges.

As long as you are happy and contended with it, there’s no reason to brag, curse or malign it. It’s definitely you and you alone which  makes or breaks your choice.