Before you can manage your own anger, you need to be aware of
what anger is and isn’t. Unfortunately, myths about anger seem to abound. Here
are some of the myths I want to dispel right from the get-go:
Males
are angrier than females. If by angrier you
mean how often people experience anger, it’s simply not true that men are
angrier than women. Surveys show that women get mad just as frequently as men -
about once or twice a week on average. On the other hand, men tend to report
more intense anger, while women tend to hang on to anger longer.
Anger
is bad. Anger serves a variety of positive
purposes when it comes to coping with stress. It energizes you, improves your
communication with other people, promotes your self-esteem, and defends you
against fear and insecurity. (Jesus, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr., were
all angry men — but they turned that anger into social reform that made the
world a better place.)
Anger
is good. When it leads to domestic violence,
property damage, sexual abuse, drug addiction, ulcers, and self-mutilation,
anger is definitely not good.
Anger
is only a problem when you openly express it. Few as
10 percent of people act out their feelings when they get angry. The other 90
percent either suppress their anger (“I don’t want to talk about it!”) or repress
their anger (“I’m not angry at all — really!”). People who express their anger
are the squeaky wheels who get everyone’s attention; people who repress or
suppress their anger need anger management just as much.
The
older you get, the more irritable you are. It’s
the other way around - as people age, they report fewer negative emotions and greater
emotional control. People - like wine and cheese, they do tend to improve with
age.
Anger
is all in the mind. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Emotions
are primarily physical in nature. If anger were only a state of mind, why would
someone say, “I feel like I have a big fist in my chest when I get that angry”?
Believe me, when you get mad, that emotion is instantly manifested in muscles
throughout your entire body, the hairs on the back of your neck, your blood
pressure, your blood sugar levels, your heart rate, your respiration rate, your
gut, even your finger temperature warms up, which is long before you’re aware
of what’s happening.
Anger
is all about getting even. The most common
motive behind anger has been shown to be a desire to assert authority or
independence, or to improve one’s image — not necessarily to cause harm.
Revenge is a secondary motive. A third motive involves letting off steam over
accumulated frustrations — again with no apparent intent to harm anyone else.
Only
certain types of people have a problem with anger. It involves and relates with all types of people — truck
drivers, college professors, physicians, housewives, grandmothers, lawyers,
policemen, career criminals, poor people, millionaires, children, the elderly, people
of various colors, nationalities, and religions. Anger is a universal emotion.
Anger
results from human conflict. This notion
can be debatable. One of the leading experts on anger has found that people can
get angry by being exposed to foul odors, aches and pains, and hot temperatures
where none of which involve (or can be blamed on) the actions of others.
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