Grief

My consciousness is still down and towardness to others is still clouded with grieving. Grief stages that I undergo seem so deep for my recovery from loss turns to fear. The fear of being alone, unaided, unguided and unmonitored trough the caring arms that was once displayed unreluctantly by my grandma.

My grieving and the grief recovery will be soon over I know but it’s not easy letting go of the memories of her. Recovery from loss sometimes delusions me wanting to turn back the hands time so grieving and grief stages wouldn’t come into existence.

Spending that needed time with the people you love now would be the best thing. Don’t wait for that dreadful event-death to completely alienate you and bother you with guilt. We don’t want our minds be swarmed with pain and regrets that could alleviate grieving.

For me, my grieving will only stop if I will dream of her smiling and laughing at my silly jokes, like I used to.

   

Sightings - II

Am I worthy?

Subtleness all around

No movement, not even a sound

Could hear the breathing

My body trembling

Unasured of what’s next

Even my mind perplexed

Random thoughts in my head

Fearing that I might be dead

Started hearing various sounds

As if they were from underground

Fearfully those I ignored

Looked the other way and turned

Death again is playing tricks on me

Asking the soul be set free

Let the mind go willingly

And play the chords of insanity

My life maybe is in the helm

Keeping entirety overwhelmed

Knowingly, I have been wrong

This ordeal is taking so long

Me, my selfish me

Myself, self centeredness I see

I am not worthy

Does it really have to be me?

Wanting

Another burst of affection from my friend T3. I am deeply blessed for her having me share this piece of her subjective frame of mind.

Oh well you might think I'm crazy
To hang around with you
Or maybe you think I'm lucky
To have somethin' to do
But I think that you're wild
Inside me is some child..

You might think I'm foolish
Or maybe it's untrue
You might think it's hysterical
But I know when you're weak
You think you're in the movies
And everything's so deep
But I think that you're wild
When you flash that fragile smile
You might think it's foolish
What you put me through

And it was hard so hard to take
There's no escape without a scrape
But you kept it going till the sun fell down
You kept it going...

Oh well uh you might think I'm delirious
The way I run you down
But somewhere sometimes
When you're curious
I'll be back around
Oh I think that you're wild
And so-ooo uniquely styled

You might think it's foolish
This chancy rendezvous
You might think I'm crazy
All I want is you..

Destiny

Call it fate if you want but I was moved from the movie that I saw last night. I’m usually fond of action, suspense and mystery type but this time, I saw myself being drawn to a romantic feel-good movie. The movie is entitled ‘The Lucky One’. There was something about it that intrigued me. It was destiny, as was themed by the movie.

It is absolutely true what it said that destiny sometimes come in least unexpected circumstances. The people around you, the places and even the sudden glow on your face are things uncalled for. Things happen for a purpose be it good or bad.

It is only our prerogative to invite destiny to play a role in our lives or not. Through this life, it’s destiny or fate that guides us. We still have final say on how we are going to live it. A beautiful and happy life is the one that is lived fully made and guided by destiny.

to Inang...

From where I'm about to start

Suddenly, you’ve drifted apart

You know, I could have shown you more

Things you haven’t seen before

I really love to be with you

At least ease the pain that you are going through

Are you in a hurry? Or am I just too slow

Maybe thou art, just going with the flow

Pardon me since I’m not used to

Of spending the day without you

Still a kid I will long for your presence

Never could imagine the absence

Your voice will linger in my mind

Memories of you are never far behind

Especially the laughter you exude

Advices, tears, all of them, gratitude

You leave us all behind

To where that I don’t mind

As long as you are happy

Savour it ‘till eternity

Safe travel you may have

Pray on our behalf

Rest in peace my dear ‘’Inang’’

It is done, your bell has rang

Farewell

I decided to watch again the whole season 2 of ‘’Suits’’ yesterday. Admittingly, I was strucked and awed by the beauty of Rachel Zane played by Meghan Markle. It was towards the end – episode 9, to be exact when Rachel broke the sad news to Mike Ross that his grandmother passed away.

It was exactly at the same time, after that scene, that my mother entered my room.... She told me that my grandmother had passed away, just minutes ago. That’s how my grandma bid farewell to me.   

I came to know her as the one who defends me from everything, a firm supporter of my sometimes twisted cause, the guaranteed buyer of my silly jokes and a true masterchef. My grandma-’Inang’.

I remember many things about her. She loved my sister like anyone else. My brother in-law was then no match for her. Joe Dumars can eat his heart out with the way she ‘guarded’ my sister. Inang was like a Harvard debater to a vegetable, meat and fish vendor in the market everytime she brings and takes me along with her.  How she lobbied for me against my parent’s will, how she smiles and how she waves her culinary hand to every dish done. And when she’s mad, better step aside for her stinging pinch will land unto you. At an old age, she still manages to do it.

As of yesterday, everything about Inang vanished and flew carelessly above. She’s now together with her husband in heaven. I know that she’s happy now. She finally got what she always wanted: ‘Langit’ [Heaven].

The same as with my sister, Inang will always be in my heart and mind....

  

Management Tip

I tripped upon a management tip from time.com:

Every team has a certain amount of conflict, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As a leader you should identify whether the tension is destructive or constructive, and address it directly.

Destructive conflict, including personal attacks and scapegoating, undermines the trust that is vital to working relationships. Manage it by acknowledging the problem, using persuasion, reminding others of the long-term perspective, or otherwise deploying your power as a leader. Constructive conflict, on the other hand, is when team members have divergent perspectives on your most important tasks or priorities. Ask pointed questions to draw the issues out. Then insist that your employees discuss them openly and work out solutions that can be integrated into your team’s overall vision.

Adapted from the Harvard ManageMentor Online Module: Leading and Motivating.

Read more: http://business.time.com/2012/08/21/handle-both-kinds-of-conflict/#ixzz24cW2lDDM

Sightings

Ease

Good things rarely come our way these days. Everything can be bought and manipulated to go with or against our will. We can do nothing but to stare innocently. But we can do something about this dilemma. Below are some random bursts that can help you ease through the various complications of life.

Stop blaming. Inhibit God, yourself and others for what is happening. Take time to focus on the problem at hand. Find solutions that are tangible. Never solve a problem with another problem. Make this problem a challenge for your faith and strength. Get inspirations and comfort to those who have undergone those type. Never loose hope. It’s the only thing that must not go out of your system.

And before anything else, pray. Pray that may God give you a clear heart and mind in facing these difficulties in life. That we may walk on the right path.

Ignore

Call me insane, maybe a fool

To think I’ll use it as a toll

Words you always throw

Are mistaken as a go

Forgive me for being so stupid

For not knowing as I earlier did

Sudden reminder of the impossible

Slamed with reality that is probable

Spare me of just looking at you

Be at myself, sane too

To know you are there, I’m excused

Seeing you nowhere, that I refuse

Be with me please, at least for a while

Let my feelings for you compile

My shout for attention, evade

For you my emotions are easy to persuade

But deep in my heart, it will still be you

Embedded in my mind too

Overlook me and forever ignore

Blink at my existence and what I’m here for

That  I fell...ignore...

Thanks

Despite my lack of the required medals and distinctions of a writer, all I offer is my humble, sometimes mediocre state of mind. The events in my life will serve as my laurels and my psycho-philosophical mind hopes to drape me with sanity needed. I rely on faith to keep myself grounded as well as reminder of my being human always.

As all of us do, we want to make a difference, one way or the other. We have various levels of needs in life. Am just hoping that those aims could somehow affect others. Getting and savouring a goal of ours is a great prize when proper acknowledgement is made.

In my case, I would like to thank everyone who takes their time to read this blog of mine. Taking notice of something in a different perspective is an effort considered. Being moved, one way or another is an effort much higher. I really appreciate the same. I just wish that I could do more.

Holy Gospel

Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint John 6: 60-69

Many of the disciples of Jesus who were listening said, This saying is hard; who can accept it?

Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, "Does this shock you? 

What if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before?

It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

But there are some of you who do not believe." Jesus knew from the beginning the ones who would not believe and the one who would betray him. 

And he said, "For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by my Father." 

As a result of this, many (of) his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. 

Jesus then said to the Twelve, "Do you also want to leave?" 

Simon Peter answered him, "Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 

We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God."